I'll Tell You What's "Nuts"

. . . is anybody related to the show 24 distracted by anything other than improving that steaming pile. Joel Surnow, the creator and executive producer of the Fox series, recently said of one presidential contender, "Are we nuts thinking Hillary Clinton could be president of this country?"

Apparently he's not a fan. And I'm not a fan of last season's 24. It stunk like raw sewage. And that's not even accounting for the off-air antics of the main star; Keifer has graduated from attacking helpless Christmas trees while fully loaded to all-out DUI. Mr. Surnow needs to stop waxing philosophical on the American political race and focus on getting his show back on track.

One more stinky season, and I'm watching something else. For the love of God don't force me to watch Desperate Housewives.

Call of Duty 4: Modern Warfare

This game barely registered with me that it came out last Tuesday, but my brother called me up and told me he's really digging it on his 360. X-Play devoted an entire episode to Call of Duty 4 and ended up handing it five out of five stars. So I downloaded the demo this past weekend and was blown away out how great it looked and at how fun it was to play. I haven't played any of the Call of Duty series mostly because I dismissed them as Medal of Honor clones. But I know the series has received critical acclaim and Call of Duty 4 is subtitled Modern Warfare, a smart move on Infinity Ward's part to move outside the crowded WWII shooter genre.

I may ask Santa for this. That fat bastard better come through or I'm liable to shank some of his elves.

Homeowner 1, Geyser 0

Well, after an hour-and-a-half of digging four different holes in my yard, my neighbor and I tracked down the leak in my main line. Once again, it was a joint coupling that cracked. This is the second crack I've had at a connecting juncture, the first was a L coupling close to where the main line meets the house.

The pressurized spray leaked a surprisingly high volume of water. The break itself was hard to pinpoint given that the water seepage run all the way along my main line, from one end of the yard to the other. As a result, we stomped around until we sunk into a particularly squishy section of yard and dug till we found the main line and the tell-tell sign, bubbling water. It was almost blind luck that we found it at all. But the fourth hole yielded pay dirt and cutting and refitting a new section of pipe took maybe ten minutes.

I'm averaging a break in my line every four years, so I pray my neighbor doesn't move away.

Yellowstone National Lawn

Wifezilla and I bought our house back in '99. It was our first house and we were naturally excited. Up until then, we had been apartment dwellers. When something went wrong, you called the building and they fixed it. I had no fixer-upper skills and no reason to develop any. Something goes wrong with your house, and you call yourself and you fix it. Or some smelly, toothless dude billing you $30 an hour.

So I found myself waaaay over my head when I found the house's sprinkler system riddled with leaks. They didn't appear at first, only after a couple hours of watering. And then one day I aerated the yard and punched a whole right into one of the pipes. Water shot out a spectacular two feet into the air and then bubbled like a pretty fountain. We had our very own Old Faithful.

I actually rolled up my sleeves and fixed the leaks. It was a horrible experience. First, you have to dig the hole. Not just down to the pipe, but under it as well. After you shut the main water line down, you have to cut the section of the pipe with the leak, about an inch to an inch-and-a-half. Then you run to Home Depot and buy a coupling, a two-inch piece of pvc pipe that will fit pipe on either end. You also pick up some pvc glue. This stuff, when applied to pvc, fuses piping together rather than just sticking so it's more like acid than glue. You glop some of that glue inside both ends of the coupling, you pop the coupling into the missing cut section, you let it dry for a good long while, and then you turn the water on and pray to Jesus that water doesn't come shooting out.

Actually, my first attempt witnessed a fine mist spraying out one side of the coupling; I had to re-cut and do the whole thing over. My second attempt stuck though. I was one tired but proud fixer-upper.

That was probably eight years ago and I haven't had any plumbing problems since. Till yesterday. Backing out of my driveway to pick Hallie up from Girl Scouts, I noticed one section of my sidewalk wet. It hasn't rained in days and I haven't watered in months. It's dark by the time we get back but I grab a flashlight and investigate. Sure enough, a tiny section of grass is swampy with too much water. I check my curb-side water meter and it's spinning slowly despite the fact that no water is running inside our outside the house.

My next door neighbor drives up at this time and guesses what I'm doing. This guy is in the middle of remodeling his house. And I mean HE is remodeling his house, turning the attic into livable space himself. This guy can't park his truck in his garage because it's full of power tools and gadgets, many of which I can only guess their purpose. Every weekend he's sawing, measuring, nailing, or gluing something. In other words, he's my complete antithesis. David chuckled at my dilemma and then kindly offered to help me fix it this afternoon. He's even got all the supplies! With a little luck, we can have it fixed by dinner time.

Layer Cake

This movie stars Daniel Craig, my complete look-alike except I'm a little more ripped and toned than he is, as a drug trafficker who quickly finds himself over his head when a deal goes bad. I really enjoyed the movie. However, I wish the actors would have enunciated their lines more instead of mumbling through the entire movie. I must have asked Wifezilla ten times, "What'd he just say?" It was like listening to a Eddie Vedder song, only movie dialogue.

I think this is the movie Craig did right before James Bond. I can see how Layer Cake might have landed him that coveted role. There's a scene where he contemplates having to pack heat. At first, he fans the gun around like a toddler, but then grabs it with two hands, barrel pointed at the ceiling. Classic James Bond pose. He also dresses smartly and woos the honies so I can easily see how the producers of the Bond franchise may have seen this movie and gotten the idea to cast him to replace Brosnan.

After the movie was over, Wifezilla asked me to get her a Daniel Craig wall-calendar for Christmas. Which means she's getting a lump of coal instead.

Strike a Pose

Here's a shot of my Blademistress as of yesterday.

http://i2.photobucket.com/albums/y34/jedijames/Screen1.jpg

His main hand has "Hive" in the title, indicative of the green bugs buzzing around it. He picked up a nice chest piece which looks like a turtles shell. His gloves emit flame, a unique subscriber-only glove piece as part of the game's current event.

Here's a shot of Kammris a few days ago, still donning his Ghost Rider headpiece. You can see his zombie pal to his left.

http://i2.photobucket.com/albums/y34/jedijames/Screen2.jpg

Gamespot Reviews Hellgate: London

Gamespot reviewed Hellgate: London last Friday and I found it to be a dead-on summary of the game as it exists right now.

Basically, Flagship has three issues it needs to address at the moment:

1. Stability

2. Tilesets

3. Subscriber hook

Ever since I fine-tuned my video options, the game has only crashed on me once. Clearly, HG: L is a system resource hog and either hardware needs to catch up to it or the game needs to be more efficient. But the forum boards are full of people complaining about game-stopping crashes and video lag. FFS has to fix this fast as the patience level of today's gamer mirrors that of my three year old daughter and many won't wait around for weeks for these kinds of issues to be fixed. I'm averaging around 25 fps in DX10, but I've got most of the options turned off. So improving the graphic performance of the game should be a top priority for the development team.

The game environments are too repetitive. Perhaps FFS has horded tilesets and intends to steadily stream them out for their subscribers. But many players, myself included, perceive that the game is shorter than it really is because there are basically four environments you play in throughout all the acts. I'd like to see more unique levels, like the Mind of 314 or the Museum to help break up the ubiquitous town, subway tunnel and bunker levels that otherwise make up the rest of the game. I know the game has "London" in the title, but when you're battling demon spawn from hell gates, the sky's the limit for imaginative levels. In other words, it's fine the game starts in London, but there's no reason to be anchored there the whole time.

Finally, FFS has got to make subscribing a worthwhile venture. Right now, subscribers get an extra player slot, a bigger bank, and the ability to play in hardcore and nightmare mode. Many critics are quick to point out that those are features that easily could have been included as part of the base game. So unless FFS starts streaming actual content, I see people not subscribing at the very least, perhaps leaving the game entirely. HG: L doesn't even come close to offering the amount of content games like WoW or EQ2 do, so they are going to be under extreme pressure to rationalize their current pricing scheme. I sure hope they've got some good stuff waiting in the wings.

And I'd like to see them add a shared bank or mail option into the game. My Blademistress finds tons of loot he can't use, but since there's no auction house or method for sharing with alts, I end up stripping most of it down for parts.

If they can address these three things, I think the game has a chance of being successful. FFS has pissed a lot of people off though and if the company lingers in fixing the bugs and doesn't stream some worthwhile content, HG: L could find itself on the scrap pile of highly-anticipated-games-gone-bad.