Krod Mandoon Series Premiere

I watched the Krod Mandoon the other night and laughed my ass off. It's a comedy show with a fantasy setting, a proprietary serialization along the lines of the movie, Meet the Spartans. In fact, Sean Maguire plays the lead, Kroddwick "Krod" Mandoon. I highly recommend the show.

Krod Mandoon

The show premieres on Comedy Central Thursday night and I've got it set to record because it looks funny as hell. Plus, I'm so close to abandoning Lost. I'm nearing the end of my capacity to watch that show anymore despite all the years invested.

Born to Folk

I think it's the funniest show on TV today and now that its new season has begun, CNN has an interview with Bret and Jemaine and their show Flight of the Conchords.

TELL ME WHERE TONY IS! I SAID TELL ME WHERE TONY IS!

Last night Wifezilla and I finished the fourth hour of the new 24 season premiere. On its seventh “day,” I really can’t complain about the series anymore. It’s like going to an Adam Sandler movie, you know what you’re getting the moment you sit down and start to watch. When it sucks and you look about you for someone to blame, find the nearest mirror and glare longingly until your angst subsides because no one else wants to listen to you bitch about that which is empirically bad.

As many have already pointed out, the latest season of 24 plugs into its usual formula of international terrorists, hijacked American technology, and intel-leaky U.S. government agencies. There are some small twists, of course, like the return of the once-dead Tony Almeda or the complete absence of CTU, the fictional Counter-Terrorist Unit. And then there are some things that remain the same, like Jack yelling commands twice and than applying lethal force before uttering the third. I did enjoy the fact that Jack wasted little time in commandeering a Bic pen and lowering it within inches of a suspect’s eyeballs to withdraw some reluctant information. That dude is hardcore.

Wait, I just got done writing that you can’t complain about 24. Looks like I’m doing just that. Never fear though, Lost on ABC and Flight of the Conchords on HBO premiere next Sunday. And if you don’t like watching good TV, you can join the petite and lumpen proletariat and watch The Biggest Loser or the new season of American Idol.

When I get tired of observing Jack waterboarding various international criminals in the name of U.S. national security, I just know Jemaine and Bret’s wacky antics won’t fail to entertain.

24: Redemption

We finished 24: Redemption last night, a special two hour movie event previewing the upcoming official season of 24. I hated the last season of the series, despite the fact that nuclear weapons were detonating within American cities. That should have made for riveting action and drama, but it somehow didn’t. I blame mostly the writing team, but I’m also growing weary of Sutherland and his acting. He has three modes: rage, torture, and remorse. Keifer doesn’t explore nuance with any of these facets and though that worked for the first few seasons of the series, it’s become tired and trite. Keifer and the writing team need to explore another path for this character, or this impending season will likely suck as bad as the last.

24: Redemption was a good start. There’s a hint of the guilt-ridden action hero, of course, but Africa was a good choice of settings and the action was top notch. I never get tired of watching Jack gun through armies of machinegun-toting bad guys with nothing but a 9mm and catlike reflexes.

I’m not so thrilled about the actress they got to play the new president of the United States. I’ve only seen her in a handful of scenes and she’s already annoying me. She has big shoes to fill to be sure; I doubt anyone will top the dude that played Palmer in the first couple of seasons.

The new season of 24 begins in January, along with the season premiere of Lost. Could be some good television down the pike.

Friend Appears on Don't Forget the Lyrics

A good friend of mine flew out to Hollywood months ago to appear on the Fox game show, Don't Forget the Lyrics. He wasn't the main contestant, but a "backup singer," which means he can be called upon to help. Think lifeline from Who Wants to Be a Millionaire.

The show finally aired this past Thursday and our Saturday night gaming group sat down to watch it last night. It was a trip! Craig was called upon to help early in the show. I can't remember the name of the song, but the lyric he helped clear up was "in the sun." He then sang the song again with his contestant friend. When the band stopped playing, Craig kept belting out the song! He stepped forward and proceeded to give his own little concert! It was equal parts surreal and entertaining.

Craig helped his friend with that song, but ultimately Marcus walked away with $25,000 (only). Fox provides a ton of on demand links for their shows, but not for DFtL.

Otherwise, you too could see the Craigmeister steal the show.

True Blood Romance

I’ve been watching True Blood this fall season, but interest is slowly seeping out of me. To the show’s credit, it’s a novel twist on the vampire tradition—vampires engaged in human society. My problem is that the show is too much Harlequin Romance, not enough From Dusk Till Dawn. Bill, the main vampire character, loves Sookie, the mind reading human (Sookie? What the hell kind of name is that?) She loves him back, but the vampire thing keeps her from fully committing.

She’s so picky.

Most episodes revolve around their unrequited love. They spend minutes of the show pining for each other. I’m sure the chicks dig that part of the series, but it’s got me bored to blood-filled tears. I can’t endure vampire romance any more I can human. In fact, human romance is a lot less annoying because at least the female participant can’t whine about her boyfriend being the walking dead.

The preview for the next episode promised a bar fight between humans and vampires, so maybe things will pick up a bit. That bar owner broke a pool cue in half and lunged at a Eurotrash vamp, so I'm looking forward to some stakin' and bakin'. Unless Bill and Sookie ruin it making cow eyes at each other. Sookie got bit by Bill, so maybe she’s on the road to becoming a vampire herself. That’d be pretty cool, especially if things cooled between them and they started hating each other's stinkin' guts.

90210, aka Hell's Zipcode

Wifezilla made me watch 90210 last night. I asked if I could eat a bowl of ice cream with razor blades instead. She said no.

The new show is barely a shadow of its former self and the original wasn’t that great to begin with. It would help if most of the cast weren’t meth-abusing rejects from Disney channel auditions. I would also be appreciative if the show didn’t lecture its audience on the dangers of teen sex and pregnancy as its lead female characters pranced around in next to nothing. Don’t get me started about the parent Walshes. A more insipid duo you’ll be hard pressed to find in this season’s TV. If there’s one thing I can’t stand, it’s the display of perfect parenting, especially behind the backdrop of wealth and privilege. It doesn’t ring true and it makes my stomach turn.

Halfway through the show, I warned Wifezilla she was going to be watching the rest of the season by herself. She poo-pooed me which means I’ll very likely be tuning in again next week. My only hope is that someone at CW is forced to pull the plug, either from poor ratings (which they must surly be earning) or a grass-roots phone campaign blitzkrieg.

So far, the network hasn’t returned any of my phone calls.

True Blood

It’s been a few years since Six Feet Under last aired. I enjoyed that series, especially how each episode showcased a passing character’s death; I don’t think I’ll ever forget the guy that got cut in half by a malfunctioning elevator, spraying blood all over the remaining confined passengers. The series began as a morbid comedy but slowly morphed into some pretty heavy drama. So heavy, it sometimes became too weighty to watch week after week.

Ball has moved on since the series finale of Six Fee Under to a new series project, True Blood on HBO. Set in Louisiana, the show depicts a parallel universe of today’s United States, where vampires have “come out of the coffin” and now live side-by-side with humanity. Early in the episode, we see a news show interviewing a woman lobbyist for the “American Vampire League. Presumably a vampire herself, she defends a vampire rights amendment to the constitution and tries weakly to defend vampire feeding habits. It seems “True Blood,” a synthetic blood concoction, gives vampires a more pacific method for quenching their thirst.

Not a bad backdrop. If only the initial episode had been more compelling. Sure, the characters are colorful, if not a bit over-the-top. I found Anna Paquin’s character particularly manic. Early on, we figure out she’s telepathic. She hears people’s thoughts. I assume the skill occurs unbidden, but at one point she concentrated and successfully shut the voices out. She plays a waitress at a bar and is infatuated with vampires. When a blood-sucker walks in the restaurant door (for the first time ever!), she fumbles over herself taking his drink order (no, sorry, we don’t carry True Blood. No one ever orders it). She makes moon eyes at him later and becomes concerned when some local white trash leave the restaurant with him.

Out in the woods, she tracks down the white trash pair siphoning the blood from the hapless vampire. This guy has lived for centuries but he manages to get hoodwinked by a couple of amateur yokels. Paquin fends them off and the two talk. This is where the show loses me. Paquin alternates between innocent country bumpkin and fang-banger wanna-be. She coos over the vampire hunk, named Belle, like he’s the last biped on the planet. Throw in her gift for telepathy and that’s quite the train wreck of a character.

Or brilliant characterization, if future episodes pan out.

The episode ended with the white trash ambushing Paquin, beating and kicking the crap out of her. I assume her vampire friend will come to her rescue and either rip off some white trash heads or conduct a blood “transfusion” for Paquin. Either way, I’ll be looking for the show to begin heading in some kind of direction. Frankly, I was little bored with the premier; it didn’t help that the first vampire we see gets its ass kicked. If True Blood continues wandering so aimlessly, I’m going to open up its coffin lid, stake it in the heart, stuff its mouth full of garlic, and then move the coffin under some running water.

Translation: I’ll stop DVRing it.

Balloon Humping

If there's anything better than this on prime time, I need it pointed out to me.

U.S. Women's Gymanstics Team

I have to take back what I wrote yesterday. When the women faltered during last night's competition, they handled themselves like the Olympic athletes they are. After making mistakes (some bigger than others), they calmly made their way to the side and stood observing. Thinking. Replaying the mistakes over again to be sure. Probably trying to block it all out in preparation for the next event too. It was disappointing to see Alicia Sacramone fall off the balance beam immediately following her backwards mounting maneuver. It was equally inspiring to see her get right back on and finish the routine.

You can see Alicia Sacramone here talking about her pivotal fall during the balance beam.



Phelps continues to amaze. I watched him swim the first leg of the 200 meter relay and the dude piled up a massive lead for his peer swimmers. I don't know how that guy can swim multiple events in the same night, and win gold too. It must be discouraging to swim against him, knowing your only realistic shot is at silver or bronze.

I want to give China their props too. People might not like Bejing's smog or the country's politics. But China built some beautiful Olympic facilities, events seem to be running like clockwork, and the general atmosphere strikes me as relaxed and conducive to international competition. The games have definitely shown the world a side of China they wouldn't normally have the opportunity to see.

Which is the entire purpose of the games to begin with.

Manastics

I don't usually watch the Olympics. Especially gymnastics. Most especially men doing gymnastics. But last night, I somehow got sucked into watching short, muscular boys gyrate on flexing poles and rigid bars. I blame Wifezilla since she enjoys Olympic spectating and cajoled me into watching with her.

Still, those bouncing and contorting men gymnasts have some skillz. I was especially impressed with the ring and high bar events. The rings involve lifting, twisting, and turning the body mostly through arm and upper body strength. I caught the Chinese gymnasts at this and was blown away with the raw strength the exhibited. The high bar too, raw power combined with intense concentration. Every time they let go of the bar to twist or somersault, I heard my breath catch. Good stuff even if it is a bit, uh, fruity. The American team came away with a bronze medal, finishing much higher than anyone had predicated.

I saw women gymnastics a couple of days before and was struck how frail and delicate they seemed. I don't mean just physically. One American screwed up her floor routine. She left the floor with tears in her eyes, only to be hugged and consoled over and over again by fellow teammates and coaches. I wondered if that was standard routine pampering or just a result of Olympic competition. Either way, I found it nauseating and commanded the TV camera to pan elsewhere to spare me the spectacle.

The dude gymnasts were waaaay cooler. They screwed up as often as the female counterparts, but took the failure with stoic silence. They'd come off the floor, exchange half-hearted high-fives, and then watch the next competitor. The women could learn from that.

We watched Phelps win two medals last night. That dude swam both events within an hour of each other which is completely mind-bottling; he had twenty minutes before his second event as he stood on the Olympic podium receiving his second gold medal. The United States is so strong in swimming, but the other swimmers are overshadowed by Phelps. I plan on tuning in tonight to watch more of Phelps.

Battlestar Galactica Crashes and Burns

Over the course of watching the series finale of Battlestar Galactica, I’ve experienced a mixture of boredom and apathy. My theory is this season must have new writers because this show drove off the cliff about three episodes ago and is now burning comfortably on rocky shoals.

The entire problem is new plot threads that, for lack of a better adjective, suck. Apollo righteously defending public-gathering rights (for Baltar’s cult, no less)? Starbuck constantly frothing at the mouth? Adama comforting his crew one minute and then chewing their ass out the next? Baltar a religious figure-head, spouting metaphysical nonsense? Saul seeing flashes of his dead wife in Number 6? Chief wallowing in self-pity one moment and then ranting about the cabbage smell of his recently dead wife the next?

None of this is riveting TV.

What happened to the awesome fire fights between the Galactica and Cylons? Or watching a sole Galactican surviving alone on a Cylon-infested planet. Or the trash talking Starbuck. Or the trash talking Apollo? Or the stoic decision making of Adama? Or the edgy decision making of President Roslin? Or the wicked self-preservation of Baltar? Or the insightful flashbacks to Caprica before the Cylon attack?

All this is completely absent the present season and thus the show is adrift, a vacant shell compared to its preceding seasons. Battlestar Galactica has taken a 180 degree turn unlike any I’ve ever seen. Wifezilla doesn’t even want to watch it anymore. I’m quickly reaching that point myself.

I Vote Apollo Off the American Idol Flight Deck

Wifezilla and I sat down and watched the season four premiere of Battlestar Galactica last night. This last season isn't off to a strong start.

To recap, season three left off with a bang. Starbuck came flying out of no where claiming she'd found Earth and four main characters discovered the ringing music in their heads means they've been Cylons all along; it all came together beautifully in those last five minutes and had me shaking Wifezilla in anticipation for what would happen next.

The season four premiere started strong enough, with a sweet-ass fire-fight between the Galactica fleet and the Cylons. But the moment Starbuck stepped foot on board the Galactica, the pacing zigzagged, then crawled. Predictably, everyone suspects Starbuck might be a Cylon sent to spy or terrorize. Which she passionately denies.

But I've seen that already. A lot. Cue the yawning.

It gets worse though. Baltar gets whisked away by these strangely cloaked people who take him to an uninhabited portion of a ship's hold. They've got alters devoted to him and they bring him their sick kids for him to cure. I guess I blinked and missed an entire story thread here. Why in the hell does he have a cult worshiping him? And more importantly, how come their "secret" hideout is adjacent to a public restroom, a convenient venue for a father bent on revenge for the death of his son to attack Baltar? That entire storyline makes no sense, is boring as hell, and managed to diffuse all the tension and anticipation I was feeling at the end of season three.

Finally, now many times is Apollo going to quit flying and Adama give him his wings back? Holy crap, they must have gone through that little ritual at least three times already in as many TV seasons. Sure, Apollo turned him down this last time, rambling on about public service or some such rubbish. Never mind they've spent the entire life of the show bitching about the severe shortage of trained pilots, Apollo is going to run for the Senate because apparently there's an even greater shortage of crooked politicians. But like a main character being suspected of Cylonism, I've seen Apollo's off-again on-again romance with flying too many times already. I swear by my TV remote, if Apollo joins the fleet again and quits only to have Adama offer him his wings back, I'm going to not only start watching American Idol, but genuinely vote for an act I think is best.

So Apollo, you better steer clear of that flight deck now, ya hear? 'Cause I'll vote for the next Sanjaya before you can say "cockpit."

More Battlestar Galactica Goodness

The series finale of Battlestar Galactica premieres tonight on the SciFi channel. I highly recommend it and not just because there's mostly crap on TV nowadays. I mean, if you're a huge Dancing with the Stars or American Idol fan, then you've got no complaints; you can't swing a dead B-star by the leg without hitting one of those crappy shows.

The rest of us our hunkering down waiting for the nuclear fallout to clear.

That Which Gives Me Wood

Hallie walked up to Wifezilla the other day and informed her to not take Boniva “if she’s pregnant or can become pregnant.”

At least, I think it was for Boniva. There are so many of those commercials I can’t keep them or their highly descriptive side effects straight. Now, joy of joys, not only is my daughter quoting them, she’s also diagnosing their undesired symptoms on her parents.

Thanks a bunch Bayer Pharmaceutical Corporation.

I’ll admit my current favorite side effect is a “decrease in semen,” caused by a drug used to treat ED or erectile dysfunction. Nothing like watching the national news and then picturing that mental image. How in the world can a drug simultaneously give you a runny nose AND cause a decrease in semen? That’s messed up.

I think it’s Levitra that dams up a guy’s semen while opening the floodgates for his snot, but again, I may be confusing it with one of the hundreds of other drugs advertised on the nightly news. I wonder how Brian Williams feels about how I’ve come to associate him with ED, high-blood pressure, and premature bone loss?

By the way, check out Levitra’s website. They have a link that invites you to “See how erections happen and how they sometimes don’t.”

Fascinating, yes? And informative, no?

I’m not sure what I’ll do when Hallie informs me what Levitra can do to me. Run screaming, probably.

Star Wars: The Clone Wars Coming to Theaters in August

From www.theforce.net, Update #4:

Well we've been speculating since the Hasbro meeting and we now have a confirmation. Star Wars is coming back to the big screen in the form of Star Wars: The Clone Wars! Hitting North American theaters on August 15th, the series will then continue with 30 minute episodes on the Cartoon Newtork with repeat airings on TNT. International dates will be released soon.

I didn't ever believe Lucas when he professed he was done making stuff in the Star Wars universe. And I'm even less surprised that his new content comes in the form of an animated movie and TV series. Lucas has often hinted that he prefers digital and animated actors to the real thing. I guess he was sick of those pesky thespians complaining about the lousy dialogue he was making them utter (Harrison Ford famously told George Lucas concerning a Star Wars script, "You can write this sh--, but you can't say it").

So, I guess this is a good thing, though I'm much more interested in the live action TV series I hear is rumored to be in production since last fall. Last I heard, Kevin Smith was supposed to be involved somehow, directing I think. I doubt I'll go to the animated movie, but I'll definately rent it and I'll certainly follow the animated TV series.

I'm still holding out for J.J. Abrams taking over the entire operation and producing a whole new trilogy that takes place after Return of the Jedi. Hell, get Mark Hamill back and have greying Luke garbed in rippling black, kicking ass and taking names like only a Master Jedi can. Mark is at the perfect age to depict a maturing elder Jedi, a seasoned Master at the height of his experience and power.

Flash-forward

Every disc of Lost Season Three had four episodes burned onto it. All but the sixth and last disc. That one had only three. I didn't realize that till last night when I cranked up my DVD player, expecting to watch the final episode of Season Three. Imagine my surprise to find out the episode in which Charlie dies IS the final episode.

No sweat though. I've been DVRing the new season so we forged ahead and watched the first episode of Season Four. Interestingly enough, the last couple of shows in Season Three depicted Jack in flash-forward vignettes. He's back from the island but clearly suffering. He's grown a big, bushy beard and pops pills to ease some underlying anxiety he feels. He's adopted all the symptoms of an addict and even tries to commit suicide, an attempt that fails when a passing motorist sees him and then crashes into his parked car.

The opening episode of Season Four continues these flash-forwards. But they're coming to us now out-of-sequence. For instance, Jack visits Hurley in the loony-bin. He chuckles that he's thinking of growing a beard. Before he leaves, Hurley apologizes for joining John on the island and adds that maybe they should never have left and that the island is calling them back.

I'm still not sure what any of this means yet. The show is developing some strong metaphysical story lines that will likely continue to spawn more questions then answers. That's not bad necessarily, just imaginative. My suspicion is that the cast is stuck in some form of purgatory, and the forces that assail them on either side could be those of heaven and hell. Which would make the island neither of those things, but some neutral territory for good and evil to fight it out.

Regardless, I'm excited to see more of this show, even if it's only a paltry eight episodes. I hope the writers got a good contract negotiated because they sure have been a pain-in-the-ass.

24 Hours or 24 Months?

CNN.com ran a story estimating the time it would take our favorite shows to make it back into production.

The prognosis isn't good.

It's rumored that 24 won't make it back at all this year. The earliest we can expect to see new content from Keifer and company is 2009. And that's assuming Sutherland can stay sober and out of trouble. Honestly, haven't innocent Christmas trees around the world suffered enough?

Lost is another tragic victim of the strike. It managed to finish eight episodes before picket lines formed, but that's far from a full, normal season. It seems the Lost producers would love to crank production back up for up to eight more episodes, but that the network will likely prove reluctant since the additional shows would air during the summer, a traditional TV hiatus for viewers and networks alike.

Through the Looking Glass

Wifezilla and I watched Charlie die last night. He did so heroically, made all the more poignant because Desmond told him exactly how it would happen. Charlie forged ahead anyway. Though Charlie's death was dramatic enough by itself, I suspect that it's going to be a hard episode to watch when Claire, Hurley, and the rest of the castaways find out what happened to him. Especially Claire. She hasn't got Charlie's "Greatest Hits" list yet and she doesn't realize that he tucked his DS ring in the baby's crib. I have a sneaking suspicion that I'm going to have something in my eye when all that plays out. Damn you man-tears!

We only have one more episode left of Season Three and I can attest to the quality of all 24 shows. The season turned out to be nothing short of a tour de force. Not only did it successfully redefine the entire show, it also got the storyline and characters back on track after a lackluster Season Two.

J.J. Abrams and his staff are incredible producers. Abrams' instinct for plot lines, dialogue, and character behavior go unmatched in Hollywood at this moment. He's currently producing and directing the new Star Trek movie, which means that movie is going to kick some serious ass. All of which gets me day-dreaming: could Abrams perchance be brought to the Dark Side? Force push Lucas out of the picture and revive the glory that is Star Wars? I can only marvel at the masterpiece Abrams would create using the that universe. But the only thing bigger than Star Wars canon is Lucas' ego, so I think the latter would have to die before anyone gets a crack at my most cherished movie franchise.

If you've never watched Lost, I can't recommend it enough. But don't start with Season Three. Go back to the beginning with Season One. You can watch all three season for free on www.abc.com, in HD no less if you've got the hardware. If you don't want to watch TV on your computer, then rent them from you DVD provider of choice. I haven't gotten a bum disc from Netflix in months and they're lightning quick with delivery.