Cookin'

I don't cook. I don't even like reheating. I'll make peanut butter and jelly sandwiches or some mac 'n cheese out of a box if I'm desperately hungry or my monsters are chirping, but I refuse to authentically cook with, like, ingredients and stuff.

Emanee, on the other hand, is a master chef. WoW's patch 2.3 introduced some new daily quest opportunities, including a cooking quest that changes daily. I picked mana berries the other day and had to travel to Blades Edge and whip up a dish over the steaming corpse of an Abyssal I had just smote. The day after that, I flew to Nagrand, hunted some Clefthoofs and then whipped up a little dish over an open fire in the Ancestral Grounds. You get almost eight gold for the effort, plus your choice of crates full of either fish or animal meat. The past two crates have also contained recipes I didn't have, including a blue one for chocolate cake and another blue from some "shocking" steak. Hmmmm . . . cake and steak.

I like the direction Blizzard is going with this. As I mentioned in a previous post, the daily quests before 2.3 bring a whole new meaning to the term "grind," especially the Netherwing ones. Obtaining my drake nearly burnt me right out of the game. But where the Netherwing dailies are frantic and competitive, the cooking ones have been relaxed, dang near serene. I'm not sure if everyone gets different cooking quests each day, but I was the only toon picking mana berries in Netherstorm. If that had been a Netherwing quest, I would have had to elbow five other schmucks for just one node of mana-flavored spherical fruit. I did notice on the day I hunted Clefthoof's that the critters were conspicuously thinned out. But with just a bit of flying I was able to track some down easily enough.

So I hope Blizzard continues marginalizing the grind in its daily and reputation quests.

Unimaginable

Sometimes I worry about how I'm raising my two kids. And sometimes I worry about how others are raising theirs.

http://www.cnn.com/2007/US/11/28/child.remains.ap/index.html

Soothing the Savage Beast

I gets the road rage.

Last year, my commute consistently took thirty minutes. Fast forward a year later, and it's suddenly rocketed up to forty-five minutes, sometimes up to an hour if people are driving especially stupid. In the course of driving to work each morning and afternoon, I am cut off, flipped off, and run off the road on a daily basis. Occasionally, I enter my zen state and smile benignly at these offenders. Rarely though. More often than not, I trade arm gestures and familial epithets and generously mix in some colorful adjectives that would likely make an Iraqi veteran blush, if not grab paper and pencil to take notes.

Lately though, I've been able to counteract the consequences of my fellow Americans' driving inadequacies with music. For some strange reason, blasting The Outsider by A Perfect Circle assuages all driving slights against me. It's a true zen state, not just me staring blankly at the tail end of a car that just magically appeared in front of me via a sharp tug of the steering wheel and total lack of concern for anyone's vehicular chassis integrity.

It's not that it's just a good, loud, throbbing song; I've got plenty of those in my music library and they don't seem to stop me from shutting the stereo off so I can better berate my neighboring driver and remind him how promiscuous his mother is. I think it just happens to be that rare song that, even though it blasts loudly, somehow calms me.

Even though I can't adequately explain it's affect on me, I'm going with it. I keep Thirteenth Step handy with me at all times and the second I hear a blaring horn, even one not directed at me, I pop it in and tap to track seven.

God help me if my commute gets longer still.

Texa Renaissance Festival Pics

As promised earlier, here are some pics of the family at the Festival:

The Centaur:

Hallie and I standing with the leaf armor dude.

Claire with her Unckie

Hallie getting her face painted:

The Tooth Fairy Cometh . . . Or Not

Hallie lost another tooth the other day. It's a front one so she looks extra cute when she smiles. I just love those toothless grins.

Hallie is six and still firmly believes in Santa, the Easter Bunny, that George Lucas can direct, and of course, the Tooth Fairy. So the night her tooth fell out, she promptly and carefully placed it under her pillow, giddy with anticipation for the inevitable visit from the Tooth Fairy.

Keep in mind that I tucked Hallie in and witnessed the placement of the tooth.

The morning dawns and I go to work early, before the rest of the family awakens. Wifezilla wakes up and Hallie soon saunters up to her, groggy but reasonably awake. She says to Wife, "The Tooth Fairy didn't come last night."

Yup. Wifezilla and I completely forgot to put some cold hard cash under Hallie's pillow.

Wifezilla, completely stunned, stuttered a couple of "uhs," but before she could produce a lame explanation for why the Tooth Fairy neglected her life's work, Hallie said, "Yeah, I think there's two reasons why the Tooth Fairy didn't come last night. My tooth was a little yellow and was on the yellow part of a flower on my sheets, so I don't think the Tooth Fairy could see it very well. Or, I took too long to fall asleep and the Tooth Fairy couldn't keep waiting for me. I'm going to try falling asleep faster tomorrow night."

Thank god for floral-patterned sheets and active imaginations.

Huzzah!

Black Friday means the day that retailers finally start turning a profit for their fiscal year. It's the day that hordes of Americans take to the stores at four in the morning for a day-long shopping spree meant to kick-off their Christmas shopping season. It's also the day that I hunker down at home and refuse to get within a four block radius of any store (no matter how obscure or ignored) in an admirable attempt to avoid said hordes of Americans.

That's why we went to the Texas Renaissance Festival instead. The weather was perfect that day: overcast, with temps hovering around 60 degrees. It had been about fifteen years since I last visited a Renaissance Festival, one in Minnesota. I remember it being pretty cool, expensive, and a bit circus-freaky. The Texas Renaissance Festival seemed just as expensive, but less carnivally. I was simply amazed at the size of the place. The entire venue is a massive circle. The different stores, restaurants, and stages form the perimeter. It's carved up into different sections according to ethnic food type. So there's a Polish, English, French, German, Italian, and Greek sections.

There's also a jousting field. We attended a show which was more theatrics than authentic jousting. Lances would sometimes explode spectacularly even though the knights themselves typically fell off their horses seconds after actually being hit. Medieval Times in Dallas proved a more visceral jousting experience. Those guys choreographed their moves to the point that blows and falls looked real. Still, the Renaissance Festival captured the spirit of the ancient contest so I guess that's what counts.

But the costumes stole the show that day. A handful of people came to the Festival dressed in authentic armor and costumes, some so intricate and detailed, they positively reeked atmosphere. One confident fellow strode the grounds as a centaur: the front part of his suit included leggings resembling that of a hoofed critter. A back set of hooves wheeled behind him. He wore no shirt, even though the daytime temperature never hit past 60 degrees; I guess that hairy chest of his kept him warm. The poor guy never got to walk farther than ten feet before someone asked him to stop for a picture. He always obliged.

Another participant dressed in red/maroon leather, most of which was sculpted to look like leaves. Two antlers topped his helmet and he carried a staff to finish the look. I actually got my picture taken with this guy. My sister-in-law took it so as soon as she sends me the picture, I'll post it here.

We arrived at the Festival around noon and stayed nearly to closing. To be honest, I didn't want to leave. As the afternoon waned, we sat down at a tiny pub and gulped down hot chocolate and mead, relaxing and watching the costumed wander past us. Not long after, as the girls were taking potty breaks in preparation for the long trip home, I wandered over to a troupe performing Scottish music, Tartanic. I'm part Scottish myself, so I dig the whole kilt scene. And bagpipes coupled with some rhythmic drumming, now that's some tunes for ya! It's nails down a chalk board for some, but for me it's time to do a jig.

Now that we know how entertaining it is, I declared the Festival an annual event for the family. I'm even thinking of tracking down my clan's kilt so I can stride the grounds proudly, dangerously. Perhaps confront and strike down rival clan members who dare to aspire to the greatness of the Thomson name. Aye laddy!

Patch 0.6 for HG: L Set for Release Later This Week

It patches a number of things, but mainly squashes the disappearing party member bug. You can read the notes here.

The notes hint that patch 0.7 is just down the road and includes subscriber content. It's worth noting that the Guy Fawkes event ended nearly two weeks ago and that subscribers have essentially been playing the same game that non-subscribers play. I don't know if this is the big December patch everyone is talking about or something to whet the appetite before it.

We shall see.

HG: L: The Quest for Framerate

Well, I've quite given up on DX10. I get 40+fps in some areas, less than 10 in others. DX9 doesn't look as good, but with almost max settings, I get a constant 30+fps no matter what zone I'm in. I'll check in with DX10 periodically, especially after patches, but until its framerate rivals that of DX9, I'll be gaming with the latter.

I am most curious to see the upcoming December patch for the game. If you heeded the HG: L's forum boards, you'd think the second apocolypse was nigh. Yes, FFS bumbled the release of the game just about as badly as a company can. But I'm still withholding judgement for the big content push in December. My gut feeling is they have something up their sleeves. If they don't, the game might be done before it hardly started.

Jade Raymond Is Hot and We Can't Handle It

I've mentioned Assassin's Creed in past blogs, but I was surprised to get wind of a brewing controversy with the game's producer, Jade Raymond. This past week, someone made a sexually charged webcomic that depicted Raymond "servicing" male gamers. I won't link the comic, but I have seen it and can attest that it's neither witty nor insightful nor funny. I have, on the other hand, seen Raymond interviewed regarding Assassin's Creed and she seemed like any other game producer I've seen: knowledgeable, passionate, professional.

I don't know anything about Raymond beyond what I've seen in two or three interviews. But I guess others do because rumors swirl that she is unqualified to produce games and that she only got her job because she's attractive. Jane at GameGirlAdvance does a good job defending Raymond even if she unfairly directs a heap of blame on Ubisoft who, ". . . unfairly pushed her image as part of the marketing of Assassin's Creed."

I think the comic as slanderous as anyone, but I haven't seen any evidence that Ubisoft used Raymond as a spokes-model for their game. Does anyone really think Ubisoft out-of-line for asking the game's producer to conduct interviews and promote the game to the media and the gaming community at-large? It's not Ubisoft's fault that the main demographic for their product are young males, many of whom have little to no chance of getting laid anytime within the next calendar year. As for her being unqualified, I say let the game's release pronounce judgement on that. Plenty of games have failed and I doubt many of their producers were accused of getting their job for good looks and sexual favors after the dust settled.

Raymond didn't do anything that Bill Roper or Chris Taylor did for their respective games except be pretty while explaining the mechanics of a video game assassin combing the streets of a medieval town. Apparently the gaming community can't handle this, as witnessed by a distasteful comic and a community of forum trollers obsessed with the idea of courting a woman who might also make their most favorite game EVER. The comic reflects badly on Raymond because it disparages her unfairly. But it reflects on the gaming community even worse because it implies that we can't cope with the idea of an attractive woman being competent enough to make games.

For the record, I watched G4's review of Assassin's Creed this past weekend. They gave the game five out of five, praising the game for its novel setting, elegant control scheme, and immersive gameplay.

Happy Turkey Break!

Have a safe and enjoyable Thanksgiving.

Eagle Ears

So I'm multi-tasking the other day, shuttling the girls from point A to point B and talking to my parents on the phone. I don't call them as much as I should mainly because I only ever think of it when I'm in the truck. Anyway, I'm talking to Pops and somehow we get on the topic of global warming. I tell him that I had recently saw a news blurb with a scientist discussing how the polar ice caps reflect a tremendous amount of sunlight from earth and that if they should melt, sunlight will be absorbed rather than reflected and global warming will accelerate even more. Pops dismisses this kind of theorizing; he thinks the phenomenon is a natural cycle, but I go ahead and try to convince him that it's likely we're the culprits. The girls and I pull up to the driveway and I say goodbye to Pops so I can take my two monsters into the house. I jump out of the truck and open the back door to fetch Claire when Hallie looks at me pointedly and asks, "Is Earth in trouble?"

Oh crap.

"No, no. Earth is fine."

"But you just told Papa that water is going to rise and flood cities. And that it's going to get hotter."

Crap, crap, crap.

"Oh, never mind that. I was talking about something else. Earth is fine. Okay, out you go."

But from the look she gave me, I could tell I had dodged nothing. She didn't say anymore and skipped happily inside the house, but I forget too often that she is getting older and smarter and that she's more than capable of understanding and processing the content of discussions she overhears. What bothers me in this particular instance is the global warming issue concerns her generation even more than mine and definitely more than her Nana and Papa's. I'm torn between wanting to honestly share with her the future she will inherit and protecting her from things she can't do anything about. At least right now. As you can see, I went the protection route; I just don't see any use burdening her with something as large scale as climate change.

I think I'm going to take a page out from Old School and Vince Vaughn and have Hallie start applying ear muffs when I'm talking of things so serious.

The Slippery, Sliding Slope to Hell

Patch .5 for Hellgate: London is due out in the next couple of days. It's mainly a clean-up patch, fixing bugs and whatnot, but it also includes a controversial change to the number of available character slots: twenty-four for everyone now, including non-subscribers. FFS also added Nighmare mode for non-subscribers as well.

This has the subscriber community in an uproar. They quite rightly call foul for having paid for features that are now free to non-subscribers. I don't think this bodes well for FFS. It's a slippery slope they slide by shifting paid content to free play. Granted, I think it's the right thing to do, but it should have come out-of-the-box like that, not two weeks into the game's release. My gut instinct tells me that FFS doesn't really have substantial content waiting in the wings, at least nothing that justifies $10 a month, and that a tsunami of subscribers are going to bail. And now with this latest change in player slots and Nightmare mode, I see that flight solidifying even more.

Despite HG: L's controversial release, I can testify that the game has been running better lately. I've slowly been adding video options, like enhanced weather, dynamic lighting, and triple-buffering and I still average around 25 fps. Certain zones witness my fps plunge down to the low teens; these areas have a lot of fire strewn throughout the level and I think that causes the slowdown. But other areas, especially the enclosed bunker zones, see my fps top 40. I foresee future patches and driver updates improving that considerably. My goal is to be able to run the game on the highest texture setting.

I know many people are unhappy with the game and even unhappier with FFS. I understand their frustration and don't fault them for their criticism of the game's current state even if some of their forum posts indulge in hyperbole. But personally, I'm enjoying the game. It's not an MMO, no matter what others or FFS state, but an action RPG that allows the gamer to burn twenty minutes or twenty hours at a time, depending on their individual schedule. If more people approached it with that mindset and stopped expecting it to have the same gameplay and gargantuan content as WoW, I think more gamers would begin enjoying the game as well.

1-60 In Less Than a Mouse Click

Before I had even read the 2.3 patch notes, I intended to write a blog about easing the leveling requirements for new WoW toons. I'm not going to claim I was prescient, only that after reading some of the ideas being thrown around for Wrath of the Lich King, I thought why not apply that to the early leveling portion of the game?

Not long after the announcement of the Wrath of the Lich King, I read an article in Games for Windows highlighting the proposed features. The article included an interview with the Blizzard developers about the Death Knight, the new character class included in the expansion. The dudes at Blizzard first toyed with the idea of having players turn their level 80 characters into the new class. So, you have your mage or priest or warrior become a Death Knight, through quest chains and dungeon runs I imagine. But then they thought better of that, realizing that perhaps people wouldn't want to part so drastically from the characters. Instead, the developers mention that players will unlock the Death Knight class through a quest chain similar in difficulty to that of the warlock mount quest line. After unlocking the new class, players won't start with a level one Death Knight, but with one around level sixty.

Good stuff, that.

Which got me thinking, with so much of the game's focus on the Burning Crusade content, why not apply the Death Knight class concept to the original part of the game? Perhaps allow players to unlock character slots that would allow them to create a new toon at level 30? 40? Hell, why not level 58 so you can jump immediately into the BC stuff? Or if that seems to drastically generous, then why not allow players to level faster in Azeroth? Maybe have quest rewards be worth more experience or lessen the amount of experience a toon needs to level? Or perhaps both?

Well, before I could actually write that blog, Blizzard was already implementing some of those very changes, and with Patch 2.3 out last Tuesday, players can now level lowbie toons faster than ever before. Here's what the 2.3 patch notes say:

Now leveling from character levels 20-60 is faster, with less experience needed per level in that range as well as higher quest experience rewards for quests levels 30-60.

I've got a 27 pally I've been neglecting these past few months, mostly because I had no interest in the grind it would take to get him to 60. I dusted him off this past week though, after the release of 2.3, and sure enough, that xp bar is climbing faster than it ever has before; after killing a mob, I can actually see the bar inch forward. I think I actually have a shot of getting him to sixty now, especially if I keep him rested.

So I'm looking to level my third 70 toon, only because Blizzard excels at examining and reexamining its game and adjusting it accordingly. It's game design like this that continues to make WoW the premier MMO on the market today.

Could Be He's Twiddling His Thumbs

Wifezilla reminded me that the creator of 24 might have a lot of time on his hands right now with the writer's strike bringing the series to a grinding halt. Still, his time would be best spent finding a way to reinvent Jack Bauer. And hashing out a somewhat plausible plot line. I'm not asking for ultra-realism here, just something that doesn't have me spitting out chunks of popcorn while screaming at the TV.

I'll Tell You What's "Nuts"

. . . is anybody related to the show 24 distracted by anything other than improving that steaming pile. Joel Surnow, the creator and executive producer of the Fox series, recently said of one presidential contender, "Are we nuts thinking Hillary Clinton could be president of this country?"

Apparently he's not a fan. And I'm not a fan of last season's 24. It stunk like raw sewage. And that's not even accounting for the off-air antics of the main star; Keifer has graduated from attacking helpless Christmas trees while fully loaded to all-out DUI. Mr. Surnow needs to stop waxing philosophical on the American political race and focus on getting his show back on track.

One more stinky season, and I'm watching something else. For the love of God don't force me to watch Desperate Housewives.

Call of Duty 4: Modern Warfare

This game barely registered with me that it came out last Tuesday, but my brother called me up and told me he's really digging it on his 360. X-Play devoted an entire episode to Call of Duty 4 and ended up handing it five out of five stars. So I downloaded the demo this past weekend and was blown away out how great it looked and at how fun it was to play. I haven't played any of the Call of Duty series mostly because I dismissed them as Medal of Honor clones. But I know the series has received critical acclaim and Call of Duty 4 is subtitled Modern Warfare, a smart move on Infinity Ward's part to move outside the crowded WWII shooter genre.

I may ask Santa for this. That fat bastard better come through or I'm liable to shank some of his elves.

Homeowner 1, Geyser 0

Well, after an hour-and-a-half of digging four different holes in my yard, my neighbor and I tracked down the leak in my main line. Once again, it was a joint coupling that cracked. This is the second crack I've had at a connecting juncture, the first was a L coupling close to where the main line meets the house.

The pressurized spray leaked a surprisingly high volume of water. The break itself was hard to pinpoint given that the water seepage run all the way along my main line, from one end of the yard to the other. As a result, we stomped around until we sunk into a particularly squishy section of yard and dug till we found the main line and the tell-tell sign, bubbling water. It was almost blind luck that we found it at all. But the fourth hole yielded pay dirt and cutting and refitting a new section of pipe took maybe ten minutes.

I'm averaging a break in my line every four years, so I pray my neighbor doesn't move away.

Yellowstone National Lawn

Wifezilla and I bought our house back in '99. It was our first house and we were naturally excited. Up until then, we had been apartment dwellers. When something went wrong, you called the building and they fixed it. I had no fixer-upper skills and no reason to develop any. Something goes wrong with your house, and you call yourself and you fix it. Or some smelly, toothless dude billing you $30 an hour.

So I found myself waaaay over my head when I found the house's sprinkler system riddled with leaks. They didn't appear at first, only after a couple hours of watering. And then one day I aerated the yard and punched a whole right into one of the pipes. Water shot out a spectacular two feet into the air and then bubbled like a pretty fountain. We had our very own Old Faithful.

I actually rolled up my sleeves and fixed the leaks. It was a horrible experience. First, you have to dig the hole. Not just down to the pipe, but under it as well. After you shut the main water line down, you have to cut the section of the pipe with the leak, about an inch to an inch-and-a-half. Then you run to Home Depot and buy a coupling, a two-inch piece of pvc pipe that will fit pipe on either end. You also pick up some pvc glue. This stuff, when applied to pvc, fuses piping together rather than just sticking so it's more like acid than glue. You glop some of that glue inside both ends of the coupling, you pop the coupling into the missing cut section, you let it dry for a good long while, and then you turn the water on and pray to Jesus that water doesn't come shooting out.

Actually, my first attempt witnessed a fine mist spraying out one side of the coupling; I had to re-cut and do the whole thing over. My second attempt stuck though. I was one tired but proud fixer-upper.

That was probably eight years ago and I haven't had any plumbing problems since. Till yesterday. Backing out of my driveway to pick Hallie up from Girl Scouts, I noticed one section of my sidewalk wet. It hasn't rained in days and I haven't watered in months. It's dark by the time we get back but I grab a flashlight and investigate. Sure enough, a tiny section of grass is swampy with too much water. I check my curb-side water meter and it's spinning slowly despite the fact that no water is running inside our outside the house.

My next door neighbor drives up at this time and guesses what I'm doing. This guy is in the middle of remodeling his house. And I mean HE is remodeling his house, turning the attic into livable space himself. This guy can't park his truck in his garage because it's full of power tools and gadgets, many of which I can only guess their purpose. Every weekend he's sawing, measuring, nailing, or gluing something. In other words, he's my complete antithesis. David chuckled at my dilemma and then kindly offered to help me fix it this afternoon. He's even got all the supplies! With a little luck, we can have it fixed by dinner time.

Layer Cake

This movie stars Daniel Craig, my complete look-alike except I'm a little more ripped and toned than he is, as a drug trafficker who quickly finds himself over his head when a deal goes bad. I really enjoyed the movie. However, I wish the actors would have enunciated their lines more instead of mumbling through the entire movie. I must have asked Wifezilla ten times, "What'd he just say?" It was like listening to a Eddie Vedder song, only movie dialogue.

I think this is the movie Craig did right before James Bond. I can see how Layer Cake might have landed him that coveted role. There's a scene where he contemplates having to pack heat. At first, he fans the gun around like a toddler, but then grabs it with two hands, barrel pointed at the ceiling. Classic James Bond pose. He also dresses smartly and woos the honies so I can easily see how the producers of the Bond franchise may have seen this movie and gotten the idea to cast him to replace Brosnan.

After the movie was over, Wifezilla asked me to get her a Daniel Craig wall-calendar for Christmas. Which means she's getting a lump of coal instead.

Strike a Pose

Here's a shot of my Blademistress as of yesterday.

http://i2.photobucket.com/albums/y34/jedijames/Screen1.jpg

His main hand has "Hive" in the title, indicative of the green bugs buzzing around it. He picked up a nice chest piece which looks like a turtles shell. His gloves emit flame, a unique subscriber-only glove piece as part of the game's current event.

Here's a shot of Kammris a few days ago, still donning his Ghost Rider headpiece. You can see his zombie pal to his left.

http://i2.photobucket.com/albums/y34/jedijames/Screen2.jpg

Gamespot Reviews Hellgate: London

Gamespot reviewed Hellgate: London last Friday and I found it to be a dead-on summary of the game as it exists right now.

Basically, Flagship has three issues it needs to address at the moment:

1. Stability

2. Tilesets

3. Subscriber hook

Ever since I fine-tuned my video options, the game has only crashed on me once. Clearly, HG: L is a system resource hog and either hardware needs to catch up to it or the game needs to be more efficient. But the forum boards are full of people complaining about game-stopping crashes and video lag. FFS has to fix this fast as the patience level of today's gamer mirrors that of my three year old daughter and many won't wait around for weeks for these kinds of issues to be fixed. I'm averaging around 25 fps in DX10, but I've got most of the options turned off. So improving the graphic performance of the game should be a top priority for the development team.

The game environments are too repetitive. Perhaps FFS has horded tilesets and intends to steadily stream them out for their subscribers. But many players, myself included, perceive that the game is shorter than it really is because there are basically four environments you play in throughout all the acts. I'd like to see more unique levels, like the Mind of 314 or the Museum to help break up the ubiquitous town, subway tunnel and bunker levels that otherwise make up the rest of the game. I know the game has "London" in the title, but when you're battling demon spawn from hell gates, the sky's the limit for imaginative levels. In other words, it's fine the game starts in London, but there's no reason to be anchored there the whole time.

Finally, FFS has got to make subscribing a worthwhile venture. Right now, subscribers get an extra player slot, a bigger bank, and the ability to play in hardcore and nightmare mode. Many critics are quick to point out that those are features that easily could have been included as part of the base game. So unless FFS starts streaming actual content, I see people not subscribing at the very least, perhaps leaving the game entirely. HG: L doesn't even come close to offering the amount of content games like WoW or EQ2 do, so they are going to be under extreme pressure to rationalize their current pricing scheme. I sure hope they've got some good stuff waiting in the wings.

And I'd like to see them add a shared bank or mail option into the game. My Blademistress finds tons of loot he can't use, but since there's no auction house or method for sharing with alts, I end up stripping most of it down for parts.

If they can address these three things, I think the game has a chance of being successful. FFS has pissed a lot of people off though and if the company lingers in fixing the bugs and doesn't stream some worthwhile content, HG: L could find itself on the scrap pile of highly-anticipated-games-gone-bad.

A Special Weekend Edition of Furion Cognition

I want to wish my beloved Wifezilla a happy birthday today. She has to work most of the day, but we're taking her out on the town tonight to afford her a much needed respite from the cooking grind.

So happy birthday Wife!

November Guild Names of the Month

Pit of Infamy

--The McRib Is Back-- WoW, Silvermoon

Thanks for letting me know! I'm dropping everything and driving to McDonalds right now.

Beacon of Reasoned Judgement

--Requiem-- WoW, Silvermoon

This is a WoW guild on the Silvermoon server, devoted almost exclusively to raiding. A requiem refers to a song or hymn honoring the dead. Given the number of times a raider dies during a single raid session, this name is oddly appropriate, but only if the guild membership actually does break out into song every time a member falls. If they're not chanting and ringing a death knell each time a member passes, then they should immediately disband and pick a different name.

I recommend --Stonard Temple Pirates--, a Beacon of Reasoned Judgement Hall of Fame Recipient.

Crashgate: Houston

Mkay, so the title isn't exactly fair. I beta tested Hellgate: London for about three weeks before the October 31st release date and amazingly enough, the retail version of the game is less stable than the beta I played. I'm just a tad disappointed that the game is plagued with game-stopping crashes and video lag that can sometimes last longer than two minutes. I'm seriously not exaggerating the latter. When visiting stations, the game's video freezes without warning while my hard drive thunders for atmospheric blast-off. I've experienced this hard drive activity with other new releases and this kind of stuff almost always gets cleaned up a few weeks or, god forbid, months later.

It seems odd to me that the beta proved more playable than retail. The beta version had a ton of video glitches and stutters, but almost never crashed. At first install, the retail version crashed more than Keifer Sutherland's car and hung like a monkey from a tree. And I'm talking about the DirectX 9 version; I tried DX10, and while I could get a playable 22 fps in the beta, I couldn't get above 13 fps retail. And that's IF I could keep the game from committing binary suicide.

Playing around with the settings, I think I narrowed down the source of the video lag. The game has numerous video options I have turned off, mostly because I can't perceive a visual difference when they're on and they grant a nice fps boost when they're shunned. But two of the options, model detail and textures have both a noticeable visual and performance impact.

I have to keep model detail on high; knocking it down to medium turns the surrounding landscape drab and boring. Now that I've seen the game on high, I simply can't play it at a lower setting. But the textures have a lesser visual impact. And the performance boost they give more than compensates for the loss in eye-candy. On its highest setting, very high, I take a performance hit and I get that annoying, game stopping video stutter and lag. I'm guessing the textures take memory and all that hard drive grinding is my virtual memory trying to compensate for the inadequecies of my video card. Or for unoptimized video drivers, game code, or both (I hope it's the latter because I just bought this card and I don't think I have the scratch to get a new one). Taking textures down just one notch to high removed the hard drive grinding and video lag, gave a slight boost to fps, and only involved a slight degradation in appearance. Well worth the trade-off.

As for game-play, the game is fun as all hell. Many have compared the game-play to that of the Diablo series and there is some merit in that. But the camera angle is different in HG: L and that makes a big difference in terms of how the game plays and feels. In Diablo, the third-person isometric perspective meant you clicked where you wanted to go and clicked on mobs you wanted to kill. HG: L plays more like WoW or a shooter in that you move with your arrow keys and point to shoot or swing. The game is most like Diablo in that you're killing tons of mobs, collecting lots of loot, and constantly analysing and swapping out equipment to best optimize your killing efficiency. The game has that play-for-just-one-more-minute hook to it and I've found myself plunging into one more instance well past the time I should stop.

Subscribers currently enjoy some holiday loot that ranges from bad-ass to funny. A rare drop is a unique helm that once donned gives your toon's head a fiery Ghost Rider skull. The stats aren't all that great, but I run around wearing it anyway because it's just too much fun. I also assembled my very own zombie pet. It took me a couple of days to get twenty-four zombie blood (the two hearts and two organs were much easier to get), but once I did, I stitched together a cute little undead buddy. Whether you're idle or knee-deep in demon guts, the zombie pet frequently breaks out into dance, complete with some Michael Jackson type music reminiscent of Thriller. I was like "wtf" the first time he did it and it took me a few more dance numbers to realize the source. Like many of the pets in WoW that aren't hunter or 'lock led, this guy is purely cosmetic. He doesn't fight or buff, just busts a move.

So I do recommend the game, though most people would be well-served to wait on picking it up until Flagship Studios squashes the technical problems. I've read a lot of HG: L forum posts bitching about the payment system for the game. All I can say is, deal with it. $10 a month is a movie ticket, a small pizza, a beer at the ball game, parking for an event, etc. They're going to constantly stream new content and they want people to pay for it. Balking at the price? Then don't pay it! Show FFS your displeasure by speaking volumes with your wallet. But whining and bitching on the boards isn't going to make FFS suddenly make the entire game free to play. We can all moan and groan at these economic models, but the reality is many developers look with envy at the cash cow that is WoW and want a piece of that. I have no idea if HG: L's content is going to be worth $10 a month, but I do see what is motivating them to implement this payment model.

Spider-Man Trois

I didn't get the chance to see this movie in the theaters like I wanted; when you have little ones, your theater attendance plummets to unacceptable depths. But I did hear rumblings that the movie was kinda . . . bad. I didn't see how they could screw up a movie that told the tale of the black costume and the birth of Venom, but after watching it, I bore witness to them indeed mangling this awesome storyline.

Truthfully, the first half of the movie was great. It looked and felt like the first two. I wasn't really buying the Sandman's excuse for a life-of-crime, but I went with it and started to wonder if people had misjudged the movie.

But then Petey wore the black costume under street clothes, let his hair hang into his eyes, and started gyrating strangely on street corners and in jazz clubs. The movie slid into bitter oblivion from that point on.

In hindsight, the movie did try to tackle more content than it should have. Many people have pointed this out and it's absolutely true. They should have either gone with a Sandman story line, or the symbiont story line, but not both. And probably dropped the whole Harry thing entirely. The real problem with the last half of the movie is that Petey's slide into aggression and hedonism is too sudden. As is his emergence from it. If the writers had taken out the Sandman plot line and added more depth to Spidey's struggle with the black costume, the movie would have created a more effective tie-in to Eddie Brock inheriting the symbiont.

Speaking of which, they really messed up the mechanics of the alien. The cute little guy only solidifies into costume form while bonded to a host. Alone, it stays oozing and tarry. Yet Pete kept the black costume folded in a trunk? It didn't make sense that it would stay in that form, especially since its biological urge is to find and corrupt a host. In addition, the movie didn't adequately explain the power surge the costume gave Spidey. When he wears it for the first time, he says something like, "This feels GREAT!" He then proceeds to jump around and web-sling like he always does; the movie never gives a good example of the increased power the costume grants (which is one of the lures that makes it hard for Petey to eventually part ways with it).

And to be clear, combing Toby's hair down and painting black eye-liner on him does not make him a bad-ass. Neither does having him get down and funky in the middle of the street. I think the movie made the mistake of trying to be humorous while depicting the costume corrupting Peter. It was a mixed message that failed completely. And how many times did Toby cry in that movie, like tears-streaming-down-the-face crying? I counted at least three, which is three too many. It's fine that Peter Parker is a sensitive guy. But in the comic, he never blubbered. Yeah, he got down in the dumps and depressed, but he always compensated with humor, not sobbing. Spidey's fast-talking, wise-cracking clobbering of bad guys is his trademark and unfortunately the series underutilizes it in favor of tears and moping.

Topher was miscast as Venom. In the comic, Brock has a brooding hatred for Petey, which is why the symbiont bonds to him differently than Peter. Venom's evil visage and wide-open mouth of razor-sharp teeth most obviously reflects the raw emotion he feels for Spidey. But the Topher Brock isn't brooding, only mildly devious. I didn't get brooding or undying hatred from Bropher, only likable, funny, easy-going, and handsome. Just like his character in That 70s Show. The movie didn't allow enough time for us to see the natural progression of hatred Brock develops for Spidey, but even if it had, I doubt that Bropher would have been able to depict it.

This is a great series, and with the success of the first two, it can likely continue to flourish despite a bad third movie. But clearly this is a wake-up call to the movie producers to do better next time. I could give them the benefit of the doubt and chalk the whole thing up to a third movie curse, since the third installment of the X-Men series also blew chunks. But if the fourth movie is as bad as the third, the Spider-Man movie series could find itself in the dubious company of the Fantastic Four movie franchise. And that would be a real shame.

That Which Was Lost Has Now Been Found

Those missing pair of shoes that Claire lost last weekend? Wifezilla found them in Hallie's laundry basket. Why that little monster put them there I have no idea. When we asked her if she remembered putting them in the laundry basket, she just smiled at us and broke out laughing.

I feel so used and duped.

Wifezilla, however, was ecstatic. She was just on the verge of breaking down and buying a new pair when she stumbled upon them. It's sad that the solution to such a domestic misadventure brings her such joy.

WebkinzZzZzZz

I'm on my computer the other day, writing up some ideas for this blog, when Hallie walks in and says to no one in particular, "I need to do my dailies now."

I practically burst with pride. Wifezilla isn't quite as enthused.

Yup, my cute little six year-old daughter is doing dailies. Not WoW, mind you. No, her virtual time pit is Webkinz.

For the uninitiated (those of you without six year olds), a Webkin is an adorable stuffed animal you buy at a store. Its collar holds a secret code that you enter on the Webkinz website. Once you register, you pick a name and gender for your pet, and then you're off to the races. The digital pet looks approximately like the stuffed one and the site gives you a room to walk your pet around. You also play games to earn Webkinz dollars.

That's where the dailies come in.

Some of the games you can play over and over again. But they yield just a couple of dollars at a time. The real lewt is with the dailies. These aren't games so much as lotteries. Hallie's favorite is the Wishing Well where she hits a button and tries to get three different combinations of symbols to line up; it's disturbingly similar to a slot machine. She gets to hit the button five times. But then she has to wait the following day to play again. Where a normal game usually yields no more than five Webkinz dollars at time, Hallie scores more than fifty dollars when she does her dailies.

She spent her first Webkinz dollars wisely: she bought a blue and white two-piece swimming suit and a jewel encrusted throne for her dog named, appropriately enough, Puppy. Next purchase: some shades to go with that smart swim suit.

I tried to get her to buy the thong, but she'd have none of that.

Night of the Living Snotbags

Last night, I unleashed Hallie and Claire unto my unsuspecting neighbors. Their insatiable appetite for candy was as horrific as it was inhuman. The two mermaid spawn smote the ruin of many a empty candy bowl unto the suburban concrete and left in their wake a wash of trick-or-treaters with empty bags.


Behold raw, unbridled terror!