Wifezilla, Black Belt

Wifezilla passed her black belt test last Saturday, but with all the holiday company and hoopla, I'm only now posting about it.

She tested with five other candidates, most of whom started at the same time she did. The exam began with each candidate answering the same series of questions about Taekwondo, with some Korean culture and history thrown in for good measure. After that, the candidates took turns executing a series of movement patterns, sometimes together as a group, other times individually. The funniest moment of the exam was when none of the six knew the announced pattern. They frantically looked at each to see if someone was going to correctly begin it. For the final part of the examination, the candidates had to break four boards: two using two different styles of kicks and one with a clenched fist punch, and the last with their arm, elbow leading.

None of the candidates broke all four boards on the first attempt.

None, that is, except for my wife.

Yes, my cute, little petite wife, who weighs maybe 120 pounds soaking wet, the mother of my two children and mild-mannered middle school orchestra teacher by day, broke all four boards on the first attempt.

I was amazed.

And so proud.

And rightly so. A man twice Wifezilla's size had difficulty breaking some of the boards she so thoroughly destroyed. I was most amazed to see her punch through a board with her little clenched fist. As she explained to me later, she connects the board with her two lead knuckles, but the key lies in putting her shoulders and hips behind the punch. The many who failed to break through the boards with their fist did so because they did not have the weight of their shoulders and hips to power the punch. Master Cho only allows candidates two attempts at the punch because they can easily injure themselves if they don't have the skill and prowess, break bones even.

So Wifezilla is a black belt now. As her teacher said at the end of the examination, her training has only now begun, as there are multiples degrees of black belt to earn. I think I'm as scared of her as I am proud.

But mostly I'm just proud.