Adventures In Plumbing

We've got five bathroom faucets in our house, all original to its construction I'm sure. They're cheap as hell new, so twenty years of age haven't done them a whole lot of good. They leak, they've got rust colored calcification wedged in hard-to-reach-spots. And they're ugly.

My fear of outdoor plumbing kept me from doing anything about them. At least personally. I knew I could hire someone to install them, but faucet installation starts at $100. Multiply that by five and you either live with your fugly faucets or you get off your ass and do something about them.

Today I did something about them.

First, I did the tiniest of faucet research. I'm the type of guy whose head explodes if exposed too long to HGTV or any show that re-does a room/kitchen/bathroom. So I can't look at faucets for too long. I also know I don't want to spend more than fifty bucks, but probably no less than thirty. I check Home Depot and Lowe's and between the two, I find an economical faucet that seems easy to install and comes with glowing customer reviews.

I thought the installation would be the hard part, but turns out the real work is getting the old faucet out. After scanning the directions, I realize that drain pipes come with faucets. They're part of the overall fixture. I thought they were grafted onto the sink, but nope. They pop right out.

Well, most pop right out. Mine does not. Probably due to age, I have to wrench a gasket all the way down the threaded drain pipe, wedging a screwdriver inside the top of the drain to prevent it from turning. I learn that vise grips are not the best tool for this, so I make a mental note to buy a larger-capacity crescent wrench. It's slow going, but once the gasket threads off, I dissemble the pipe drain and feed it up through the sink hole.

Next, I cut off the faucets water supply. Thankfully, my house is new enough to have dual shut-off valves. One doesn't want to turn, so I carefully crank it with those trusty vise grips. Once the water is shut off, I go to loosen the bolt holding the supply line. My crescent wrench fits perfectly around the nut, but there isn't any room to get any torque to turn it. I make a few more attempts before I admit defeat. I've got the wrong tool.

Back to Lowe's. I grab an associate and tell them my problem. She brings me to a basin wrench. I grab it and a larger-sized crescent wrench and head back home.

The basin wrench works like a thoroughbred. The head pivots right or left according to your angle and whether you're tightening or loosening. A couple of cranks is all it takes and the nuts thread down. I loosen the plastic anchors holding the faucet in place and soon the old faucet is completely out.

Taking the old faucet out took about an hour and a half. Putting the new one in took less than fifteen minutes. I just put a bead of caulk around the base of the faucet and set it in place. I placed the supply lines within the faucet and screwed the anchors in place. Next, I put the drain in. Two plastic gaskets hold the drain in place, pulling down on it so it forms a water tight seal. Finally, I screwed the supply-line nuts in place, turned the water back on, and . . .

And it worked! I had a tiny drip that I fixed by tightening a supply line bolt, but other than that, the damn thing shoots water out just like it should. I've got four more in the house to replace. Now that I know what I'm doing and I have all the tools I need, they should go faster and more smoothly.

Another perk: Wifezilla thinks I'm Ty Pennington.