Monkeys Should Stick to Throwing Feces

That leak my neighbor and I repaired a couple of months back has re-sprung (Yellowstone National Lawn ). We had a bit of a cold snap this past week and when I went to meet Hallie off the bus, I noticed a one-foot diameter puddle immediately above the repair. A quick check of the water meter confirmed the slightest of spins, despite no water running in the house.

I swear to God, most homeowners go the lifetime of their house without even thinking of the main water line to their house, and I've had to fix mine in four different locations in the span of nine short years. After so many line breaks I speculate that a carnival of touring, organ-playing monkeys installed my house's outdoor plumbing system; hopefully they grind their accordions better than they plumb. I'm getting to the point where I'm ready to completely abandon the convenience of modern indoor plumbing in favor of early trips to my local creek, bucket in hand. I have no problems with my main gas line, so boiling the water would be a cinch. All I have to do is talk Wifezilla into waking up at 3 am each day to fetch the water.

I think the chances of me successfully convincing Wifezilla to carry a bucket of water on her head for three miles equals that of my main line never springing another leak.